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Self-care is not a sin - a list of musts

I am in the "feelings" triad of the enneagram, and it is vital that I take care and pay attention to that part of me.

What does that mean?💆🏼‍♀️💅🏻🧖🏼‍♀️

When I have a particularly emotional stretch, this could be because of circumstances that bring up a lot of emotions or emotions are just more intense, I have to take very careful care of myself.

I HAVE to make sure certain things happen (which can be different at different times).

In no particular order:

  1. Alone time - I need time alone, even if it is in the bathtub for a few minutes.

  2. Movement - I don’t get sweaty (that’s just not me) but I need to move. Outside is always best.

  3. Look for cues - my body may be telling me I have something to heal.

  4. Tell my story - I think as I speak, and when I talk, I start to see what’s happening inside.

  5. Indulge - whether it’s food, a good movie, shopping, or a pajama day; I have to give myself a little treat. I have to be careful here because there is a thin line between indulging as a treat and indulging as a medication, distraction, or disassociation from what’s going on inside.

There are things I HAVE to let go of during these times as well.

In no particular order:

  1. My expectations - I had to learn the hard way that these moments last much longer if I try to keep to the same standards I have for myself. I am not living at 100% and therefore cannot expect results that are 100%.

  2. My schedule - this has been one of the hardest for me to accept, and I still feel like I am moving against the current on this one. I love having a laundry day, a cleaning day, a shopping day, etc. I LOVE a structure to my day.

  3. The mess - while a clean house often keeps me grounded, I can move in the wrong direction and clean becomes an unhealthy desire to pretend everything is in order on the inside by creating an order on the outside.

  4. Self-care lists - even the expectation for self-care I am outlining here has to go sometimes.

  5. The past and future - could be the most important point. I have to be in the moment. The second I move into forcing what worked or didn’t work before, I can get off track. I must also make sure I am not wincing from past experiences that may be calling out for me to heal. I might also be catastrophizing the future and must go back and find the piece of me in believing in fear. My training is a big help here, but a good practitioner is always good self-care.

The key to knowing what I need is getting in tune with my body. I must feel the sensations my mind, emotions, and spirit are trying to tell me. I have to stop and ask myself a lot of questions, and it took some time to learn the language of my body, but now I am much quicker at interpreting its messages.

It’s vital I know when I’m underestimating my abilities, verses when I am about to be overwhelmed. There is no logic available for this work, and it is not a simple yes or no answer. Life is a spectrum. (Good on you if this is the first time you’ve seen me talk about life’s spectrum) 🤓

Too often, the socially acceptable ways of being productive overshadow our ability to tune in and give ourselves what we need. More efficiency is always better than more effort.

“If I only had an hour to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 45 minutes sharpening my ax.” Abraham Lincoln

Want to know your enneagram type? Go to to find out.

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