Something shared in our society is that we crave admiration. We are wired for connection - as Brene Brown says - and having someone’s admiration is like a little reassurance that we are safe from disconnection.
Disconnection is the worst of all states of being. Some words similar to disconnected could be detached, separate, cut off, isolated, or apart. When we are threatened with disconnection the mental body racks up a whole lot of anxious invoking thoughts, the physical body begins to speed up sensations of panic or it completely numbs out, the emotional body feels all sorts of depleting emotions, and the spiritual body must begin to separate or something because its lifeblood is love and connection. This whole process could easily be summed up as hell.
For some reason, I am finding that many people are experiencing things that test this fear of disconnection right in the face. Maybe we or they feel their beliefs or desires change, or we or they finally can’t go on any longer living undercover and accept and come to terms with their sexuality or their spiritual gifts, or their politics and social ideals change. These are big life shifts.
The unwritten rules of families, groups, and societies are being challenged in a big way by these shifts.
It might make sense to challenge the change but maybe it's time to get curious. Could there be a lesson we are being asked to embrace? I think there is.
Remember the book, YOU ARE SPECIAL by MAX LUCADO? In this profound children’s book, little wooden people live in a society where they give each other stickers for being good or right and stickers for being wrong or bad. But there was one girl that takes the time to listen only to her maker and neither of the stickers stuck. So many times, we are after the admiration free from criticism but once we’ve stepped on that continuum we play by its rules. This beautiful children’s book helps us see that desiring admiration is just the other side of the coin of disdaining criticism.
But, what's the lesson? How do we really do curiosity? I think it takes all of us. I think we all have to step into this lesson together and it looks like this.
1. As the one with the shift. We must feel into our fear of disconnection. We must own our feelings within ourselves. As convenient as it would be to blame the family or the group or society; feelings come from within. Getting curious about our feelings and if they may have been implanted earlier in life is vital and it is fair to challenge the idea inside that our fear of disconnection is not the same as being disconnected. The fear calls out for healing
2. As the one being confronted with a shifting person. We must feel into our fear. It is natural to REact to someone’s different because it feels like it is challenging us. We must own our feelings within ourselves. As convenient as it would be to blame the one who is shifting; feelings come from within. Getting curious about our feelings and if they may have been implanted earlier in life is vital. It is fair to challenge our thoughts and feelings. This act of challenging may result in a confirmation of our initial opinion but now we are empowered to act instead of REact. However, the reaction is calling out for healing.
We are here on a journey. It's about the climb, not the destination. It’s about climbing together. It’s not about getting to a point where we are no longer in danger of disconnection, it is being so connected within ourselves that we notice and lean into the fear of disconnection. It’s vital to get familiar with your body’s messages through sensations. It is a language - your experience’s language.
Do the difficult but rewarding work so that stickers don’t stick. If you need permission to be enough and worthy email me. I will send you one. It only takes one person to believe in your greatness. YOU.
Next year, 2021. I am so excited as part of The Wholeness Network to host some wonderful events. This group of speakers and teachers have been absolutely vital in guiding me towards a sticker free existence. These are once-a-month intensives. These are not simply motivational speakers, although you will be motivated, they are inspirational speakers. They will inspire you on how to be all of you. This is nothing like you have ever experienced before. And, I am lucky enough to get to teach in May. These events will become beautiful online classes but this is the chance to sit in the seat and learn at the feet of these amazing people. I love them so much and I know you will too.
Miley Cyrus, my angel.
A few years ago my life was turning upside down. One day it occurred to me that I had officially cried every day for a year and a half. Every single day. I wanted this difficulty to end. I wanted it behind me. The song The Climb by Miley Cyrus was a few years old but it came on the radio a lot. The ways this song showed up for me was nothing but miraculous. Its message spoke to me and after a while of hearing it EVERY time I got in the car I accepted that someone or something was needing me to really listen.
I began to understand that the difficulty was the point. The truth lies more in the question than in the answers. The journey or the climb is the center of this life, not the destination. The fear of disconnection holds just as sacred a place for me to explore as the desire for connection.